2012 Has Began; Chapter Three

March is a really interesting month indeed. I realize writing this monthly updates give myself a psychological awareness on what am I doing once in a while.

My parents decided to head back to Penang overnight for an event. Considering one simple fact that I have an appointment as well on the same day and I need to still head back to Nilai the next morning doesn't interest me to go all the way to Penang. Yet again, I was in a way warned, that the way up is dangerous, and my daddy is not some young lad who can drive 600km in a day.

To me, it was indeed a difficult decision to make because it is my call, whether to forget the appointment or to insist to stay in KL. It's very last minute, but I decided to drive up. The mere thought, that if any thing happens on the way, the mere thought that if things don't end up well made me change my mind. I am a person who runs on a first come first serve basis. Appointments goes align with numbers. I rarely change my mind. It's a very important date to me. I've been looking forward to see my boy. I know he wouldn't mind, but it'll probably disappoint him a little.

Perhaps the thought that Mommy says that I'm spending too little time at home and the thought that I cannot turn back time, and the thought that they are not youth anymore gives my heart a big nudge. So I tried to stay home and spend time at least with them every now and then. I know there is nothing much I can do, as I always do disappoint them. Like how I gotten myself summon after summon for mistakes that I have already be reminded not to do.

I end up having loads of sticky notes on my car to remind me to put on seat belts and drive safe,

 and be simply...watchful.

I went back KL lesser lately, so when I do, it's insane. Max is right, I've got no time to waste if I were to juggle both sides in KL and in Nilai. Honestly I didn't get enough rest back in KL, as usual. Cuz Sunday I got to get back to Nilai for work and juggling with assignments and exams gives myself a hard push at the back and before that, I've been running errands and meeting people. I know multitasking is bad, but I don't have the choice, since I am such a greedy person. I just want to grab all chances and the time I have. I'm young, wild and free. True enough, I have nothing to lose, but I'm trying to stay as sane as I can. 

To some people, they probably won't understand how much I appreciate friendship. I want to be there for them whenever I can, but it saddens me in a way when they need me, and I'm missing. I may not be the best option for you, but I'm glad I'm one of the person you would want to talk to when you're in hell. I'm glad you feel better talking to me. I'm glad, even though I'm kilometers away, but I can still be there for you. Everyone is having a hard time. You are, so am I. But I'm willing to be your shoulder to cry on if you needed me. I don't mind being an option, because it isn't as bad as it seems.

Aaric asked me, "When was the last time you cried in front of someone?"

He caught me thinking and recalling. It's been a while indeed. I can't help to tell him, that when I'm upset, I'm more than often alone. It's becoming natural, like doing drills. I cried, and then I'm good to go. I know he cared for me and I know he wants me to be happy. Whatever I told him, was true. It is important to me, that is why I teared up. But I do believe that I am not running away from it, as it may seem. Yes. I loathe listening to people telling me things I didn't want to hear. But look, I'm here and I'm doing it. I'm looking at a different way, at a different picture. Some say I'm running from reality, some say I'm hiding what I felt.

Ask me if I'm happy being where I am now, I would say yes. Ask me how would I rate my life, I'd still say 7 out of 10. I've not reached  a perfect state where I can say 10. We have gone through different training to understand things on the surface of the earth in a different manner. I'm sure it's a great training for you, and yet again, I have another perspective I'd like to propose to myself too. I did not give up, not at all even after I have made that decision. Yes it was tough on me, it is still. But I'm not giving up. I believe in what goes around comes around. I believe in having faith in things I do.  I believe in every route leads to success. 

It's been a great talk to Aaric. It's been a good day indeed. Thank you for the cake btw. :) We are both leaders with a perspective of our own. That evening was a mere talk on leadership, and self empowerment, whether we noticed or not. It really does open up my perspective much broader. But I just want Aaric to know, that it's just like me knowing him, when I made the decision of my life where it puts me where am I now. That it's fate and I believe in great things to happen behind every action and decision we make.

There will always be bad days and also great ones. The incident may upset me, but I'll always be reminded that there will be people who will cheer you up. :) Thats how I pull myself thru bad days. It's probably my weaknesses for not to be able to reach out to people when I'm sad, but that doesn't mean I'll let it bring me down. Of course, I think I should try story telling one day. I guess it does make me feel better to.

You will be, where you ought to be. 

Until the next 30 days,

HuiJin Liew