To be real.

We are born and made to learn. This year definitely had taught me much, essentially, to be real; to my honest self, to the people who I love and to the people around me.

My kids and I are friends over a decade now. As time goes by, our paths began to lead us to different directions but opening doors ahead of us never once we forget the door to where we all met. Sometimes I ask myself, if ever this friendship fades one day? I've gotten my answer in our every laughter. We may have different errands and commitments, but we never forget one another. They have taught me in between the busy days and brief gatherings that friendship doesn't need flashy items, exaggerated meetings, or expensive gifts because we all believe in each of us that we always care and we will not let it die off. In between these shared moments, I saw how I didn't need to pretend to fit in, to impress anyone, but just be real. They have taught me to take a step back and look for the bigger picture. They taught me to dream and achieve things greater than myself. They taught me these through so many ways despite we cannot meet as often as we did. Gatherings were less frequent, but memories made weren't. Thank you kampong kids for never letting it fade despite being at different coordinates on the globe. 

Ever since I moved in to the new home near my university, I allow myself to be exposed to more people. That then, they will all see the ugly side of me, the ugly true self. The endless day night conversation, movie-watching between exams, clicker heros, cooking tofu unsuccessfully, late night counseling and the list could go on. Day-to-day, I feel more and more comfortable in the house, that it is now my home too. Their acceptance for my short coming is overwhelming; my tantrums, my just-woke-up face, my auntie-like-complaints, my no-spider-home-rule. I guess my gender did gave me some privilege at home, but thank you to my Fit-It Felix Juniors. 

As a team player, it has been an exciting year for me. I was given opportunities that I've never imagine I would. As training went weeks-to-weeks, I'm so glad to have met people who showed me care with even the smallest action. The people who would run a mile to get you ice, who would keep you company after injury, who would help you to rehab, who would endlessly encourage you to be better. They taught me, that pain is relative. It's painful today, because we weren't fit to handle the pressure, which is why we have to get better. They taught me, that people who cared, would not be afraid to show you, that this is how real friends are. To learn that every action they took was so real and was meant for me to better, it has touched me so much, that I cannot be more thankful to have you guys with me, and not to give up on me. Thank you captain.

This year, I have also learnt that being real is what really making the connection. I don't appear to make friends easily, but I appreciate the connection when I feel comfortable being myself and not having to be careful in words to say, or things to expressed, or to be worried of what conversation to have, or feeling afraid of silence. I am starting to believe that it is okay to be imperfect. I can't impressed everyone. I can only do my best to express what I feel, or what I think and stand up for it. 

This year have been a bumpy ride. I was in a terrible shape. I know that there are people who cared for me. I know that which is why I am trying and I guess I feel better now. Pain is relative, right? 

Jean.