Cool Kids.

I always wanted to move out, in which I did and its almost four weeks, and that brings me the song, Ain't it Fun.

That is when I realise, shit I'm now in the real world. Gotto count our own, and the world don't orbit around us anymore. It's like a crazy crash course to adulthood and I found out this tiny lil things about being human. 

Physically and emotionally it's a tremendous roller-hiking, (cuz it's not coasting at all) for me. Yet its amazing to realise how one's ability to adapt to the environment. Like even if you don't think you want to fall into conformity, but everyone just wants to fit in and I am no exception whether do I preach it or not. 

It awes me to realise the ability for people to recognized places and somehow it turns out to be more natural when I'm on the move. I stop getting on nervous breakdown or walk numerous rounds getting lost in a mall. This invisible sense of direction is so oddly natural. We just kept learning to each wrong turns and missed junctions and eventually we get better. Is that like a life lesson? Sounds like one.

I like that occasional long hearty conversation with people. Maybe its like how absence make the heart grows fonder. It meant a lil more when its not there. Funny how one's mind behaves. It's so rebellious. Denying whats given, and always wanting more. 

The other thing that I like about now is that I find myself doing things that I would never have done even with the luxury of time. I read. I did Yoga. I spent a whole day not having a whole vocal conversation. I watched good movies. I traveled. I window-shopped. I eat alone. Well in terms of making decision as simple as to which bus to take home, what to have for dinner, should I walk this direction...it still gives me nervous breakdown. 

It's the kind of nervous that the question is on a loop and there's an voice in your right ear keeps answering the question and the left ear echoes back with "But, what if?". And it goes on and goes on until I can't feel my fingers cuz they are turning snow-white until my consciousness finally kicks in from the flight mode for my body to realise that I had forgotten to breathe. 

I guess that's the one thing I still can't get used to being alone - to get dragged by my fidgety subconscious. 

Jean