the story about lights.
Enlightenment is an abstract concept to grasp, and always leaves you with awe.
I have those moments.
It happens often overnight, without warning, and always found a way through the cracks into me.
It still happens to me even till today.
First time I used the term enlightenment was when I studied for my O' levels examination. I was a terrible student. It took every ounce in me to read. Just before the examinations, I realise that History wasn't so difficult. So is Additional Mathematics, so is Physics. It's a sudden realization on how to learn. Strategically. Yes, I did pretty well for my papers.
Second time was less than a year after that. I had to make a tough decision (at that point in my life) because my conventional Chinese parents are not pleased that I wasn't undertaking an educational path fit for what I achieved in papers. I didn't manage to get the scholarship, because I wasn't outspoken. I wasn't good enough apparently. I wasn't "the extrovert" the whole of damn world is looking for. My dad, he took the effort to bring me to consult his friends of great educational background for some insights. There were three of them to be specific.
I thought about that the whole month of July 2011. I dropped what I planned and planned for what could work. I realise it didn't matter what I undertook, my job is to make my parents proud. I will do what it takes. It wasn't a memorable pre-university life for me, but it worked out fine.
After all, Pain is Fuel.
Third, was after I got into university. I had terrible tempers. I am a rebellious kid. Pretty sure my mom hates me sometimes. I made her cry once over absolutely petty stuff. I was driving to university on a Monday morning for 8.00am class; in a hurry because I was late. One kilometer off my gate, I couldn't find my supposedly-surgically-attached phone. I panicked. I drove back and stomped. I was rude. I was a terrible daughter. I found it shortly right on the car door sleeve. I drove away.
This is the most crucial moment. I thought about what I did after I drove away. It is an immense feeling and it just struck me while I was on a traffic light. I called home and told mom I was sorry. I was a terrible kid that an apology is the hardest thing you can get from me, yet it happened.
It was that moment; it turned everything around about my family and I.
It changed everything about me.
I literally felt like a new leaf.
Woke up on the right side of the bed. I like this side.
I don't read a lot.
There's a handful of books I could list, one of them is Tuesdays With Morrie,
I read them when I was 18 (maybe). It is a good book but it didn't struck me that it would change me so much.
Only recently that I knew Professor Morrie has left me with an assignment.
It took me five years to finally understand the things he shared.
At least I finally managed.
Thank you.
I still get times like these, where suddenly things made sense.
I still learn about myself.
I still want to be the better self.
As I age, enlightenment became less frequent, less abrupt, but as staggering as always.
Love
Jean
I have those moments.
It happens often overnight, without warning, and always found a way through the cracks into me.
It still happens to me even till today.
First time I used the term enlightenment was when I studied for my O' levels examination. I was a terrible student. It took every ounce in me to read. Just before the examinations, I realise that History wasn't so difficult. So is Additional Mathematics, so is Physics. It's a sudden realization on how to learn. Strategically. Yes, I did pretty well for my papers.
Second time was less than a year after that. I had to make a tough decision (at that point in my life) because my conventional Chinese parents are not pleased that I wasn't undertaking an educational path fit for what I achieved in papers. I didn't manage to get the scholarship, because I wasn't outspoken. I wasn't good enough apparently. I wasn't "the extrovert" the whole of damn world is looking for. My dad, he took the effort to bring me to consult his friends of great educational background for some insights. There were three of them to be specific.
I thought about that the whole month of July 2011. I dropped what I planned and planned for what could work. I realise it didn't matter what I undertook, my job is to make my parents proud. I will do what it takes. It wasn't a memorable pre-university life for me, but it worked out fine.
After all, Pain is Fuel.
Third, was after I got into university. I had terrible tempers. I am a rebellious kid. Pretty sure my mom hates me sometimes. I made her cry once over absolutely petty stuff. I was driving to university on a Monday morning for 8.00am class; in a hurry because I was late. One kilometer off my gate, I couldn't find my supposedly-surgically-attached phone. I panicked. I drove back and stomped. I was rude. I was a terrible daughter. I found it shortly right on the car door sleeve. I drove away.
This is the most crucial moment. I thought about what I did after I drove away. It is an immense feeling and it just struck me while I was on a traffic light. I called home and told mom I was sorry. I was a terrible kid that an apology is the hardest thing you can get from me, yet it happened.
It was that moment; it turned everything around about my family and I.
It changed everything about me.
I literally felt like a new leaf.
Woke up on the right side of the bed. I like this side.
I don't read a lot.
There's a handful of books I could list, one of them is Tuesdays With Morrie,
I read them when I was 18 (maybe). It is a good book but it didn't struck me that it would change me so much.
Only recently that I knew Professor Morrie has left me with an assignment.
It took me five years to finally understand the things he shared.
At least I finally managed.
Thank you.
I still get times like these, where suddenly things made sense.
I still learn about myself.
I still want to be the better self.
As I age, enlightenment became less frequent, less abrupt, but as staggering as always.
Love
Jean
Comments
Post a Comment